Oklahoma is having the snowiest winter I can remember. And as I look out at its sparkling malevolence, I wish I didn’t hate it with the burning fervor of a thousand suns. As I drove home from Wal Mart one day last week, I saw photo ops all around me, taunting me with possibility.
“The next time it snows, I’m just going to bundle up and get those pictures.” My daughter heard me vow when I got home.
“You’ll have your chance on Sunday.” She countered, eyebrow raised slightly in an expression of barely-concealed disbelief.
Dang. I thought to myself. Wish I hadn’t said that out loud.
Sure enough, Sunday morning dawned with a fresh blanket of my age-old nemesis covering every freakin’ thing in sight. I had a vow to fulfill, or else lose my credibility forever.
Actually, I don’t think Molly cared one way or the other. But I had seen a particular tree about a half-mile from our house just begging to be photographed, and I was determined not to let a little hexagonal precipitation keep me from it. How cold could it be, anyway? I was born in Alaska. I spent high school in Norway. I could thrill to the chill, baby.
I bundled up and struck out in search of fabulous wintery photos. I trekked up and down the hills of our neighborhood, nearly wiping out approximately 64 times, suffering a minor heart attack on the steepest incline, dropping my camera into a snowbank, and generally looking like an idiot with my too-small pink knitted hat perched on my head, my sweatpants stuffed into my fur-topped boots, and my scarf tied around my frozen face.
Maybe I should have taken a picture of that.
At any rate, I know you just can’t wait to look at the fruit of my labor, right? I said, RIGHT??? YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT, PEOPLE! I RISKED LIFE AND LIMB TO GET THESE PICTURES, SO THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS LOOK AT THEM!
::Commence photo review::
I call this one “Summer, On Ice”
I call this one “Dog pee is warm”
This one is called “I’m glad I’m not a bird”
And this one is “Hummingbird Slushee”
This one I call “Narnia”
This one is called “I’m glad I’m not a bunny rabbit”
And this is “My Butt is Cold”
This one is “That’s weird, I’ve never seen wrinkly snow before”
And here is “Snow Shark”
Okay, now that’s just silly. How about something serious?
“Frozen Pump, but that’s okay Cuz It’s Fake Anyway”
“I don’t know but I thought it was pretty”
And, of course, the tree that I set out in pursuit of in the first place:
At first, with my nose running and my eyes streaming and my buttocks seizing up, I wondered if it was even worth the trouble to go out and capture these images. But now that I’ve thawed out, I can safely say that I’m glad I carpe’d the hell out of the diem to do it.
Now, if someone would just be so kind as to wake me when it’s April, I’d be extemely obliged.